In keeping with the trend towards the commodification of everything, and as a service to both counsellors and their clients, we have created an itemized tariff structure which makes it very easy for both parties to know exactly where they sit.
Basic services
Passive listening - $ 5.00
Active Listening - $15.00
Collusion, flattery, and lying - $20.00
Unconditional positive regard without empathy - $50.00
Unconditional positive regard with empathy - $70.00
depression - - $100.00
anxiety and depression - $150.00
anxiety with depression and suicidal ideation - $200.00
Ambivalence - $50.00 or $70.00
Transference
Positive transference - $20
Negative tranbsference - $200.00
Conter transference - 10% discount
Reflection - youre wondering what the rates are?
Psychoses
visual hallucinations - ^&@#(*&%*
auditory hallucinations - 200 rupees
insomnia - night sessions available, special rates
projection - this will be discussed somewhere where the illuminati cannot track us
angry outburstswithout spittle - $60.00
with spittle - $90.00
catharsis - $150.00
catharsis & allowed to assume foetal
position on floor - $300.00 (includes blanket)
Interpretations
Adlerian, Jungian or Freudian - $20/interpretaion
Kleinian - add 10$/per interpretation
(10% rebate on invalid interpretations)
Seating arrangements
Economy chair without arm rests - $20.00/hour
Comfortable wing back chair - $35.00/hour
empty chair - the price will be negotiated with the chair itself
Throne (for narcissists) - $70.00/hour
Those with low self esteem may sit on the floor for free
Optional Accessories
Tissues - 5c per tissue
Lavender scented tissues - 10c per tissue
Truthtelling - priceless
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